


Shattered

by PerlooTheBold



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Chill Shane Madej, Jealous Ryan Bergara, M/M, Oregon - Freeform, Post-Break Up, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, You can choose if it's requited love or not, character flaws, no happy ending, shyan, unhealthy jealousy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerlooTheBold/pseuds/PerlooTheBold
Summary: Ryan didn't mean to get angry at Shane.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> Mood Music: Will He by Joji, Pills by Joji  
> Basically anything by Joji.

**Shattered**

Ryan didn’t mean to get angry with Shane.

He never means to get angry with Shane.

He likes to blame it on the alcohol that was in his system.

Even if he only had half a glass of wine.

He thinks about it every time he closes his eyes.

He thinks about it when he’s having sex with another person.

He thinks about it when he stares at the empty bottle of whiskey on his counter.

He can’t stop thinking about it.

It was his fault.

He ruined something he should’ve protected.

All because of his dumb emotions.

He goes to bed without showering for five days.

His pillowcases are covered with tear stains.

His basketball jersey smells.

There are empty beer bottles littering his night stand.

He lost his glasses a week earlier.

“Fucking stupid shithead,” he whispers to himself.

The feeling of the sheets on his legs is too much.

He decides to sleep on the floor, grabbing a somewhat dry pillow for his head.

The hardwood is cold underneath him.

It becomes damp after a while.

He falls asleep after an hour.

He doesn’t dream.

*

Shane knows why it happened.

He knows he doesn’t deserve it.

He knows it’s not his fault.

He doesn’t beat himself up about it.

He doesn’t think about it much.

He still uses their shared Netflix account.

He thought they had something.

But he can’t compete with jealousy.

He sleeps peacefully.

He’s sad about it for a month, but he knows it wasn’t him.

He wishes he could help.

But he knows Ryan needs to figure out his issues on his own.

*

The next day, Ryan wakes up with puffy eyes.

His head is on the wood floor and his pillow is shoved between the bed and the night stand.

He feels a piece of garbage at his foot.

He doesn’t pick it up.

He feels too sick to eat.

His hand wanders.

It lands on something solid.

A book.

He groans and leans up, wrist maneuvering around the bottles.

The lamp switches on.

It’s _Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia_ by Elizabeth Gilbert.

The book Shane gave him.

He can’t look at it without crying.

*

Shane takes a trip to Oregon, of all places.

He stays with a couple he had made friends with a while back.

They let the cat sleep with him.

They tell him that there are blackberries growing behind their home up the hill.

He hikes up and sees wildlife along the way.

He gets to pet a dog named Monty.

He thinks he might like dogs a little bit.

He drops his water bottle on a rock and dents it.

He thinks it adds character.

He gets to sit and watch the sunset while eating fresh, sour fruit that stains his lips blue.

He knows Ryan would like it.

But he doesn’t think about that.

*

A month passes.

Shane gets back from Oregon.

He decides he likes it there a lot.

He picked up paddle boarding while he was there.

He’s yet to try windsurfing and kiteboarding.

He thinks Obi will like it there.

The train comes by each night.

Shane finds the sound soothing.

He’s made new friends that become closer to him than anyone else in California.

So he decides to move.

He plans.

He finds a place to rent.

It has a perfect view of the Gorge—the houses are tall, close together, and on an incline.

It also has those wonderful blackberry bushes.

The preview photos include a deer that hangs around the home.

He packs.

Each box is labeled with its contents.

He has one-too-many boxes labeled ‘trinkets.’

The movers help him with the big furniture.

He lets Obi run around the empty house before they finish up.

He goes.

Obi sleeps in the passenger seat for the ten hour drive.

He stops a few times so Obi and him can eat.

*

Ryan works on himself.

Ryan practices talking in the mirror.

Ryan cleans himself up.

He finds his glasses under the couch.

He drives himself to Shane’s.

He goes to right the wrongs.

He goes to apologize.

He goes to try and get him back.

He knocks.

He listens for footsteps.

He waits.

And waits.

And waits.

He waits for Shane’s car to show up.

When it doesn’t, he texts him.

_6:49 PM—Ryan: Hey Shane can we talk?_

He waits for five more minutes.

_6:57 PM—Ryan: I’m at your door._

He waits for ten more minutes.

_7:11 PM—Ryan: Shane?_

He waits for nearly two hours more.

His phone vibrates in his hand.

The screen illuminates.

_8:54 PM—Shane: I moved to Oregon, Ryan._

_8:54 PM—Shane: I’m not planning on leaving my new place this quickly._

Ryan feels something inside his chest drop.

The weight pulls him down, making him slide against the front door of the empty house and land on the pavement.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he sees the liquid fall onto his phone screen.

_I moved to Oregon, Ryan._

He can’t help but wonder if Shane moved away because of him.

_8:56 PM—Shane: I’m not mad at you._

_8:56 PM—Shane: Give yourself some more time. Look for people to talk to._

_8:57 PM—Shane: Find someone when you’re ready._

Ryan wants to be ready for him.

But Shane knows he isn’t.

Ryan doesn’t trust himself to drive.

He locks his car and calls an Uber.

He’ll get it tomorrow.

*

_“Are you really telling me I’m not allowed to have friends?”_

_Shane’s hands swung wildly._

_“No—I—Shane, don’t do that!”_

_Shane sighed and tugged at his hair._

_“Do what? What am I doing? Having a rational reaction?”_

_“Don’t twist my words!”_

_“_ _Twist your words? Ryan, you’re mad at me for putting an arm around my friend. **Our** friend!”_

_Shane’s hands fell into his pockets._

_“I just hate seeing you with other people! I want it to be us!”_

_“Ryan, I love you. If I was in love with any of our friends instead of you, why wouldn’t I be with them?”_

_“It’s not that!”_

_“Then tell me what it is!”_

_“I don’t fucking know, Shane!”_

_A pause._

_Shane scoffed._

_“I just want to—“_

_“I want to break up.”_

_Shane’s eyes widened._

_Did he hear that right?_

_“What?”_

_“I want to break up! I can’t deal with this shit any more!”_

_“ **You** can’t deal with this shit? Really?”_

_Shane felt his eyes start to sting._

_“I’m going to move out.”_

_“So you can have friends and I can’t? Don’t you realize that I’m a person too?”_

_Shane continued._

_“Am I always going to lose to jealousy?”_

Ryan couldn’t answer.

Because he knew what he would say.

He packed his essentials that night while Shane was asleep and moved out the next morning.

*

Ryan got home.

He threw his keys on the table and balled his fists into his pockets.

He fished something out.

A crumpled photo of Shane that he had taken out of his wallet after they broke up.

He couldn’t bring himself to throw it away.

A stray tear fell onto the paper and quickly slid off.

“I love you.”

Some broken things can’t be mended.

**Author's Note:**

> This is another short angst story about the boys. I tried my hand at writing a break-up-y situation, and I don't think I did very well, but I'm going to keep trying.  
> The Oregon scenes are heavily inspired by the place I stay when I visit!  
> I finished this at 1 A.M. last night, but it was fun to see through.  
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!  
> Tumblr: weyanto


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